Anouncements LOL!!!

Church Announcements from the Greater Rock Missionary Baptist Methodist Rebirth AME Church of God Special Note: We would like to apologize for those who came out to the Youth Explosion Conference last night. The youth choir's remix of "Shake that Laffy Taffy" was totally unexpected. The youth director has been reprimandedand will issue a formal apology Sunday morning. Also, for those who witnessed Mother Green getting up and doing the Laffy Taffy dance and are concerned, she is doing fine. She is in Methodist North Hospital recovering well. First of all, all honor and praises to the man above. The Pastor would like to thank all of you who paid your tithes last week. With the high priceof gas - every little bit helps and your bit will help the pastor's Lexus get filled up. And he wanted us to mention that if you write a check, please make sure that it does not bounce. He said that you are still encouraged topay your tithes, and God only wants 10%, but if your check bounces the church is going to take 25%! As for the building fund, although it has been over 10 years of collecting money, planning is still going on. Pastor will be reviewing plans for the next two weeks with the 1st lady in Aruba. The deacon board has voted and we will not be serving Hennessy during communion anymore after Mother Jones called Sister Williams a hoochie and did the running man dance.From the health ministry: The usher board has asked those frequent shouters who routinely pass out on the altar to please wear clean underwear. Let your praise be holy, not your "draws", Amen. In addition, the deacon board has brought this to our attention: Those who are having the holy ghost and passing out please be under 200 lbs. We have too many deacons and ushers out with back injuries. Also, if you are one of the people who gets tapped on your shoulder on Sunday mornings, make sure you pick up your Altoids at the hospitality desk before entering the sanctuary. Saints, let's not let our breath hinder our neighbor's praise. There has been a typo that needs to be cleared up from last week's bulletin: Sister Johnson is a Thespian, not a Lesbian, so the thick, hairy-lipped sisters, please stop calling her. Saints, don't forget about the Chitlin dinner this evening. If youhaven't already placed your order, call the church office. We have not purchased anymore discount meat from the day afterstore, and Maalox, Peptol Bismol,and other antacids will be on sale. Please keep your bathroom visits to 4 minutes because the last janitor quit after the accident Sister Maebelle had waiting to go to the restroom. And for those who are a little skeptical after the last bake sale, please feel at ease knowing that Pastor Happy has prayed over the brownies and no one from the Drug Rehab Ministry was involved in the preparation this time. This is the last announcement: Pastor has requested that all"dark-skinned" members sit in the light during night service. Last Wednesday he heard voices in the dark and thought they was demons.This has been this weeks church announcements. Please Govern Yourselves According.